i wish they had a cure for how people are

i feel so mad, angry, used and over caring. i'm sick of putting effort into friendships to have them be a waste of time. i mean, i think back to all the pathetic problems i hear from all my friends and how much advice i give and it all ends up to be a waste of breath and time, becausee whenever i need someone i never get the attention i give them. So, i've come to the conclusion that i just dont give a fuck because my friends dont give a fuck about me. yeah you tell them something they get a guilt trip but that shit never fucking changes. im soo pissed off like i could scream like to be honest theres only one person who i can always count on i really dont know what i'd do without HIM yes him my boyfriend is my best friend out of absoluetly anyone else in the world he doesnt make me wait to help me i dont get put aside soo he can do other things or hangout with his friends. He is all i have


&& to the rest FUCK YOOOOOOOOOU!

should i?

today i think i heard the worst news of my life. it is the last thing i wanted to hear. the thing is it wasnt from the direct person but the other thing is i cant bring it up because i promised i wouldnt and im sure he'd lie because he has in the past. im confised on weather or not i should just ask him but im sure he'd lie so whats the point? should i just shake this off? i dont know what to do i have so many emotions im just mostly destroyed :/ i mean i have made some mistakes too... idk :/ fuuuhk i guess i should just grow a pair and ask him. i have no idea what to do

out of

touch, are the words I can explain today. I feel as if im loosing friends, im pushing people away. I get annoyed so easily. I just don't understand. I don't seem to want to talk to anyone. I have a weird feeling in my body. I have a lot of bad things in my life and I just don't care nothing seems to bother me. im just blank towards everything.. I don't know what's wrong with me... maybe I just need to be alone, some time to myself?

.

i have soo much on my mind right now. To start off i find out my best friend of about 4 years is back on drugs again, i honestly just cant believe this shit. it makes me soo fucking anrgy because theres nothing i can do. in these situations you have to be willing to help yourself. He isnt, its like killing him slowly and he doesnt even understand. its just so sad, it feels as if hes dying. I dont even recognize him anymore :/ hes just not all there. i dont need that shit in my life so my only option is to stop talking to him. im just so pissed offf i could scream. to makes matters worse i go to a school with the mot annoying people i have ever met in my lifebeside the exception of like one person? Then there is the boy situation, how can i decribe my relationship with erick, well basically i love him but he makes me soooo freaking mad! iam at a loss of words, idk what is wrong with me... i neeed WEED, i just want to fall asleeep i want that feeling it gives you, you're just happy no matter what. i need it. im fucking rambling. i have so much to say yet i ahve nothing at all. i have some advice though, dont have sex on your period, you have to wait a whole month. fml. akhsbkdh.walkcjrlrkhrtldsjkarnkrvj cagetukhridjwljkiousdbjhwv

currently

i feel really confused, idk whats up with me. i feel as if someone is pulling on my heart idk whats wrong with me, sometimes i just get these feelings and i just want to be with you but then when i think about you all those bad things you did come back. hmmm i want the weekend. I'm really scared and nervous and i have to wait a WHOLE month :/ eeeee, what a dumb move hmmmm.. this is waaaaack.

adfghj

today was soo strange. the event that happend i was expecting but i didnt think it would end like this i didnt think it would be soo awkward. i dont know why i felt so hurt i mean how could i think someone like that could change, i got myself into that situation. i just lost the meaning behind it which was nothing. im so glad i have good friends without them i dont know what i would do. i really want to know what im feeling. i feeel sick to my stomach but i cant tell if in some way i have feeling for someone or if it just felt wrong. i suppose ill never know. im not looking forward to tomorrow im sure its going to be awkward just seeing him look at me them just have a flash back of today. hahahaha. goood lord. im ready for it though. its whatevs i guess this is in the ABC's of growing upp, i just need to lay low for a while.

YOU LIVE, YOU LEARN;

END OF STORY

have you ever

tried to be chill with someone because you still care about them, but if they do one little thing that upsets you, you just get this rush of hatred and flash backs of shitty memories it makes you feel sick to your stomach. you want to be so nice to them and try to be there for them but wow when they do something to upset you, it hits you right in your heart. it's weird because you care so much about them but if they catch you on that moment of frustration you say things you don't mean or is it your true feelings from your heart comming out? that's a question I have yet to find an answer...

somedays

I just feel like shit. im soo irritated with this world. I just want to get away from everything, everyone I'm accustom to I want to start over somewhere new. I want excitement. I don't understand this world its so boring. I want to just get away. I just start to think and get trapped in my mind and it tends to bring up bad things that have happend in my life and all the things that bother me and it turns my mood sour. man I want excitement.

somedays

I just feel like shit. im soo irritated with this world. I just want to get away from everything, everyone I'm accustom to I want to start over somewhere new. I want excitement. I don't understand this world its so boring. I want to just get away. I just start to think and get trapped in my mind and it tends to bring up bad things that have happend in my life and all the things that bother me and it turns my mood sour. man I want excitement.

15 february

i thought the movie coraline was great. i was in the theaters with my best friend and i had my mouth slightly opened because i was so intrigued by this movie. it was super long but i could watch it over and over again. it had a really good story. just goes to show that you never really notice what you ahve untill it is gone, and that the grass isnt always greener on the other side. Today was a good day. It didnt rain and i saw my best friend ahaha even though she was a "whimp" as her dad called her haha. Get well soon olivia. I find myself wanting people to come over rather then going out. i want someone to come over and for us to grab some blankets and talk and watch movies that sounds so great. i learned today that i dont like being alone. hmm, hopefully ill be with someone fun tomorrow :] <3>

goodnight.

]:

I want to see you.
this rain is making me sad its messing up my day, I had a good weekend planned but things aren't working out ugh. what I want more then anything is to see you. I'm hoping that ill just get a call from you saying to come outside and you just greeting me with your smile but ughh once again things aren't going according to plan. its weird how like I personally like the rain but if im sad it just makes things soo much worse :/ I want either the sun to come out from hiding and brighten my day or i wish I could see your face because it would be the same result <3